How to deal with emotions

emotinal inteligence

Managing anger

What are emotions?

Emotions are a fundamental part of our existence. They influence nearly everything—our thoughts, behavior, and even physical health. Understanding them means understanding ourselves and gaining greater control over our emotional reactions. Every emotion we feel serves a purpose, and complex processes take place in the body when we experience them. And even though they can sometimes get on our nerves, life wouldn’t have the same flavor without them.

How emotions help us?

Emotions help us survive and adapt to the environment we find ourselves in. Paul Ekman, a renowned American psychologist who studied the universality of emotions, found that basic emotions are present across cultures and serve specific purposes.

Emotions have what are called motivational functions. Essentially, they tell us what’s happening and how to respond:

Emotions have a strong neurobiological foundation. When we feel joy, fear, anger, or sadness, a complex network of brain structures, hormones, and neurotransmitters is activated, influencing both our body and mind.

Amygdala – The Brain’s Alarm System
The amygdala  is an almond-shaped structure located in the limbic system, acting as the brain’s emotion processing center—especially for fear and threats.

It has the ability to detect danger. For example, when we see something potentially harmful, the amygdala activates before we even consciously recognize the threat. If it interprets the situation as dangerous, it triggers a stress response and sends a signal to the hypothalamus. This then initiates the well-known fight-or-flight reaction.

The amygdala also plays a key role in learning and memory. Strong emotional memories are stored more deeply due to its involvement. That’s why we tend to remember negative experiences more vividly than positive ones. People with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) often struggle with memory because this part of the brain doesn’t function properly.

An Overactive or Underactive Amygdala
An overactive amygdala can lead to anxiety, panic responses, and an exaggerated sense of fear. On the other hand, an underactive amygdala may result in a reduced response to danger—this is often observed in individuals with psychopathic traits.

Hypothalamus – The Bridge Between Brain and Body
The hypothalamus is a regulatory center that connects the brain with the autonomic nervous system and the endocrine (hormonal) system.

It manages the body’s responses to stress, regulating heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, sweating, and other physiological processes. It also controls hormonal reactions by communicating with the adrenal glands, which release stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline.

In addition to managing stress, the hypothalamus plays a key role in maintaining balance—it regulates energy levels, sleep, hunger, and thirst.

What happens when the hypothalamus doesn’t function properly?
Chronic activation of the hypothalamus due to long-term stress can lead to exhaustion, hormonal imbalance, and psychosomatic disorders—such as high blood pressure, digestive issues, and weakened immunity.

Prefrontal Cortex – The Brain’s Rational Control Center
The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain responsible for regulating emotions and controlling impulses. It acts as a “logical brake,” helping to calm down exaggerated emotional reactions.

When the prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped or not functioning properly, emotional control weakens, impulsive behavior increases, and decision-making becomes more difficult. This is often seen in conditions such as ADHD, certain personality disorders, or trauma-related issues.

Imagine you're walking through a dark alley and suddenly see a stranger approaching you quickly.
At that very moment, your body begins a series of remarkable reactions...

Amygdala (the brain’s alarm system)
It immediately detects a potential threat and triggers a warning signal.
This sets off a stress response—your heart rate increases, and your breathing quickens.

Hypothalamus (initiates the physical response)
It activates the sympathetic nervous system—your body enters the “fight or flight” mode.
(There are additional responses too, such as freezing, submission, or fragmentation, which will be explained more deeply in a future article on trauma and PTSD.)
The adrenal glands release adrenaline, preparing you to run or defend yourself.

Prefrontal Cortex (logic and situation analysis)
This part quickly evaluates the situation: Is this a friend or a potential threat?
You might realize it’s just a passerby—the prefrontal cortex then signals the amygdala to calm down.

If the amygdala is activated too often, it can lead to:

Without emotions, we’d be paralyzed when making decisions.
We wouldn’t have the inner sense—or intuition—that helps guide us toward what’s right.

If something feels wrong, we usually avoid it—even if we can’t logically explain why.
If something brings joy, we tend to repeat it (like successful projects, hobbies we love, etc.).

You Can’t Escape Emotions—So Learn to Work with Them

One of the most harmful myths we’ve been taught is that suppressing emotions is harmless—even admirable. But the truth is: we can’t choose which emotions arrive. They come whether we like it or not. And studies, along with countless human stories, show that suppressing emotions only leads to trouble—both mentally and physically.

When we ignore what we feel, emotions don’t disappear. Instead, they find other ways to speak—through headaches, digestive issues, chronic fatigue, or constant tension. The body holds the stress, and over time, that pressure can result in anxiety, depression, anger outbursts, or even heart problems.

Suppressing emotions isn’t strength—it’s disconnection. Instead, we need to give emotions space and learn to work with them consciously and compassionately.

We often divide emotions into two simple categories:
– “Positive” (joy, love, happiness)
– “Negative” (anger, fear, sadness)

But this black-and-white thinking sets us up for emotional suppression. We’re taught to hide or avoid “bad” emotions, which only makes us less emotionally literate. The truth is: every emotion has a purpose. None of them are random. They’re signals, messages, and responses meant to help us adapt to our environment.

It’s important to remember that anger is rarely the root emotion. Usually, there’s a deeper feeling behind it—fear, sadness, hurt, or frustration—that needs to be recognized and named. Understanding which emotion lies beneath anger and why you feel it is the key to healing. Ask yourself:
“What is this emotion trying to tell me? Why do I feel this way?”

Emotions aren’t the enemy. The real issue is when we don’t understand them—or when we’ve never been taught how to manage them.

When people tell me they “have a problem with anger” or “don’t know why they get so anxious,” it’s often not the emotion itself that’s the issue, but a lack of practice in feeling it without shame or fear. If we rarely allow ourselves to feel jealousy, frustration, or grief, then those emotions may control us instead of the other way around.

Discover how Jana faced her emotions with courage and kindness, turning challenges into growth. Join her journey to learn how she navigated feelings and found strength within herself.

Read the psychological novel about Jana and how she dealt with emotions.